Friends, Americans, Countrymen! With the passage of new Anti-Immigration laws in Arizona, President Obama is ready to take the field and take measures to prevent the importations of illegal drugs across the border into our Once Great Nation! Soon, border patrol agents, well equipped to handle the dangerous interlopers to the sanctity of our nation, and shall be barring all gateways into America!
So, what does this mean for us? Will we soon be safe from Mexican cartels, well known for their brutal ways that put the worst European warriors to shame? Will our border states be safe once more?
Only if they’re coming from Canada.
That’s right people; the drug kingpin responsible for corrupting our youth and putting crime on our streets is none other than Snidely Whiplash! Villainously twirling his handlebar mustache, this vile man from the land of Hockey and snow is responsible for more illicit drugs crossing our border than any Hispanic hood what crosses dry sands from a balmy and crop friendly environment to the south of us. Indeed, Dudley Do-Right, that intrepid Canadian, bastion of law enforcement and morality, has been revealed as nothing more than corrupt and anti-American, is working solely as Mr. Whiplash’s enforcer, destroying law and order in Canada and making the nation rife with violence, corruption, and greed.
Thank whatever gods you will that our President is here, both to chastise the racists of Arizona who dare violate notions of fairness and equality that we hold dear in our great nation, yet still finds it in his heart to protect his vulnerable citizenry with such strong measure against those villainous Canadians.
Let us all hope it is not too late.